How Do I Get My Child to Talk?

As an S-LP, this is one of the most frequent questions I get asked. The answer? It’s complicated (isn’t it always?!). Let’s unpack this together.

Communication starts way before first words. Babies cry—they are communicating. They push something away—ding ding, that’s communication. They start waving or pointing—hooray! They are telling you something. Somewhere around 12-15 months old, they will start to use WORDS to communicate. If your child is around this age, I’ll dive into some universal language strategies down below that may help them gain a few more words along the way. However, if your child is past 18 months and you’re still waiting on those first words, I highly recommend reaching out to a registered Speech-Language Pathologist for individualized support.

You may have encountered this situation or something similar. Your kid points to the fridge, you open the fridge, and ask, “What do you want?”

They point to the milk.

You grab the milk and say, “What is it?”

**crickets**

You continue to hold the milk and say (maybe with a little frustration), “You know what it is… What is it? What do you want? ...say milk.”

Your kid stands there, deer in headlights, and nothing remotely coming out of their mouth. You eventually give them the milk and walk away wondering if they’ll ever speak.

I get it. 

Let’s talk about some strategies to avoid that frustration and eliminate the power struggles. I’ll talk about some easy things you can implement into your day, along with some things to avoid.

First off, let’s get on their eye level. This one’s pretty easy and intuitive as a parent, but there’s one situation that can be so POWERFUL when we get on their level. Book reading. When reading a book, sit your child on the side of your lap, so your arm is their backrest. This way, you can see their eyes+book and they can see your eyes+book. Why is seeing their face and the book so important? You can see what pictures they are interested in and talk about the things they are looking at. Hint: you don’t actually have to read the words in the book. Instead, you can just talk about the pictures or make up your own story. Kids are more likely to learn words for the things they are interested in, rather than the things you think they should like.

Speaking of interests, another strategy I’ll share is to follow their lead. This phrase is HUGE in the world of SLPs, but what does it mean? It essentially means, play with your kid the way they are already playing. Are they filling cups with goldfish crackers instead of stacking them? Great, join in and start filling while you model the words "fish", "cup", and "in". Are they banging puzzle pieces together instead of doing the actual puzzle? Grab those pieces and start banging while modeling words like "ouch" and "crash".

Lastly, create MORE opportunities for them to communicate. This means setting up a situation where your child needs something or can't do something on their own, so they need to communicate for help. Here are a few of my favorite examples. Your child comes to you and wants a yogurt (the kind with a spoon), so you give them the yogurt, but you forget to give them a spoon. Boom. You've just given them another chance to communicate that they need something. Another example is to use toys they can't work by themselves and therefore would need to ask for help. Insert wind-up toys! Snag a couple of these from the dollar store and let the magic happen. Instead of jumping in right away to turn the toy on again, sit back and observe what your child does when the toy turns off. Some kids will hand the toy right to you, to which you can then model the words, "help" or "on". Other kids might try to turn it on themselves, to which you can model the words, "tricky" or "oh no". In either case, each time the toy turns off, is another opportunity for you to model a word and for your child to communicate.

Now let’s talk about things to avoid or do less. One word parents and well-meaning caregivers seem to be hung up on is using the word “say”. You see, kids learn a lot of skills through imitation NOT direction. That first time they imitate waving was because you showed them or the first time they blew a kiss was because they witnessed you do it first. Saying words is no different. They see you get the things you want by using words and they learn to do the same. Less is more with this strategy, instead of telling your child, “Say ball”, simply use “ball”. They will get the idea without being told to “say” it.

Let’s talk about questions. Do you love filling out surveys that ask 100+ questions? No? Me either. Your child probably doesn’t love being asked a million questions a day either. Instead, try adding in more comments rather than questions. So instead of “What’s this?” just say “It’s a monkey!”. I like to give parents a 1:5 rule. For every one question you ask, try using 5 comments. “What does a monkey say?”, “It’s brown”, “so fuzzy”, “oo-oo-ah-ah”, “eat bananas”, “look, it’s in the tree”.

I hope these strategies can help you and your little one develop more words without all the frustration. Be sure to follow along on my website or Instagram for more helpful tips!

Your friendly neighborhood S-LP,

Colleen Wood